Who I am as a Communicator

This week I evaluated myself as a communicator, and had my fiancé, James, and my co-worker, Teresa, evaluate me as well. The results of some of the scores between us were surprising, and led me to reflect on what areas of communication need improvement for me to be a competent communicator in both my professional and my personal life.

In an assessment of my listening skills, the three of us rated me as “people-oriented”, meaning I am concerned about the emotions of others when I communicate. Though this listening style can help to establish relationships and trust between others, and me I wonder if it makes me a weaker advocate for children in issues and debates at work.

In an assessment of my communication anxiety, my fiancé and I rated myself as “moderate” indicating that my anxiety is situational, while m co-worker rated me as “low”, indicating that I am confident and comfortable in communicating in small and large groups. At first I was surprised, but upon reflection, I recognize that at work part of my job is to be a leader. I have built a program from the ground up, had to advocate for children to get the support staff and curriculum they need, must lead IEP meetings, and have serious discussions with parents. I also supervise two paraeducators and collaborate on a weekly basis with several others, as well as 15 general education teachers. I have a lot of confidence in my ability as a teacher. When it comes to other situations in the social realm, I do not have that confidence, and usually let James (my fiancé) take the “lead” in conversations with groups of people. While I am comfortable with my low level of anxiety at work, I think I would benefit from becoming more socially active and taking more time to enjoy my friends and hobbies (a challenge with school and work!) It is important to maintain a healthy balance in life.

Intercultural Communication

Considering cultural differences of individuals and groups when communicating is crucial to being a competent communicator.

The school in which I teach is becoming more and more diverse with each new student. The recession has put many families in financial difficulties. The proximity of the army/air force base has brought in military families of diverse cultural backgrounds (military upbringing being one of them). In my class of ten students, nine students qualify for free or reduced lunch and breakfast, two qualify for food bank programs, one is homeless, and one has no phone or power for most of the year. We have children who live with parents, stepparents, single parents, grandparents, family friends, aunts and uncles, or other various arrangements. I work with a diverse population of teachers in regards to gender, economic status, sexual orientation, and race. The families I work with are as diverse as staff and children, and have varying physical and cognitive abilities.

I find that I adapt my communication channels for individual colleagues and families so I can best communicate with them effectively. Some people prefer different modes of communication- many teachers and parents who work multiple jobs prefer I communicate with e-mail, as it is more sensitive of what free time they have. Others, such as some of the paraeducators, prefer face-to-face communication, as it shows I value their time and efforts in working with students because I am making deliberate time and effort to communicate with them. Some need more guidance, while others are “veterans” in the school and have innate skills and talents when working with children that do not require as much teacher guidance.

I also alter my communication styles depending on whom I am communicating with. Some of my parents are well versed in the special education system of public schools and have an understanding of their children’s abilities. When meeting with these parents I can talk more candidly, can use some teacher/WAC lingo, and have the meetings move rather swiftly. Other parents, with cognitive difficulties or anxiety disorders, I must use more careful, “use-friendly” language during meetings. I check for understanding more often than with the system-savvy families.

A third way I use to help communicate more effectively with people is to use active listening. This can be applied in all communication, no matter the cultural diversity. While the body language I use, or whether I question, paraphrase, or stay silent may differ depending on what is more appropriate based on cultural, situational, or relational context, I am always sure to demonstrate that I am listening, doing my best to understand, and fully considering what the speaker has to say instead of just waiting my turn to speak.

Insights into Nonverbal and Verbal Communication

This week I watched an episode of “The New Normal”, a sitcom on NBC. First I watched the show without sound, then I watched it with sound. I had never seen the show before, and did not have any idea of what it was about. I gained some insights into the importance of both nonverbal and verbal communication.

As I watched the show without sound, I was able to guess the relationships the characters had with one another quite accurately by the end of the 30 minutes. I was also able to figure out the basic emotions they were feeling towards each other during certain events and discussions, even though I had no specific idea about the events or topics of discussion. I relied heavily on facial expressions, and was able to see relationship bonds between characters.

When I watched the show with volume I learned that I had accurately figured out the relationships between most characters, but had no idea what the causes and effects of situations had been without verbal communication. My biggest “aha” moment was the realization that though nonverbal communication helps to express verbal messages, it is often not a stand-alone form of communication. Another thing I realized was that nonverbal communication may be more easily interpreted when you are familiar with the people you are communicating with. I imagine if I had watched an episode of “Friends” or “Seinfeld” I would have been better able to imagine the different situations the characters were in because I already know their relationships with one another, their livelihoods, and what they spend their days and evenings doing. In a real-life example, my twin sister and I are often able to have two conversations at the same time, each talking about our own subject and still respond to each other. We are also able to have entire conversations with half a sentence (or less) and the interpretation of facial expressions. This is largely due to how well we know each other, and that we share many schemas. It drives our significant others nuts sometimes, and we have had to make conscious efforts not to do this too much around them because they feel left out (and rightly so- it is a very personal form of communication!)

Effective Communication Skills

 When asked to think of a person who demonstrates competent communication within a particular context I think of the principal that I work with, Mr. A. Mr. A. has been an elementary school principal for about 7 years, prior to which he had no experience with young children, as he was a high school choir teacher. I believe his previous experiences (or lack of) are part of why he so fully supports and trusts in his elementary school staff.

Mr. A. listens to staff concerns when the district implements difficult or new procedures and is an advocate for children when programs are being cut. He is also very competent in having difficult conversations. When disputes arise between colleagues he will not step in to settle the dispute unless they have confronted each other and attempted to reconcile on their own. If this does not work, Mr. A. listens to both sides and acts as a mediator, with the end goal being to help move towards a decision that is best for children (I think his motto for everything is “We do what is best for kids”- he applies it to everything).

Mr. A. is also able to help others to be effective communicators. When I have an issue with one of my staff members and am having difficulty in knowing how to approach it Mr. A. is always able to help me find the words that describe my feelings in ways that are respectful to my colleague and that help initiate dialogue so the problem can be solved.

I think I have learned a lot from Mr. A. about how to be an effective advocate and mediator in the school setting, and can carry over these skills to different aspects of my life. I have used his communication style in confrontations and difficult conversations with colleagues and I think it has helped me build stronger relationships and safe, trusting environments within my workplace.

Professional Hopes and Goals

When I think about working with children and families who come from diverse backgrounds I hope that I can establish professional relationships with them built upon communication, trust, and mutual respect. I hope that through these relationships I can provide or connect children and families with services and supports that help them to be successful in the educational setting, and that I show respect and value towards diversities.

A goal for the early childhood field related to issues of diversity, equity, and social justice is to see anti-bias education and the promotion of social justice through active teaching in more classrooms of all grades and ages. Before this course I had never heard of anti-bias education. I think it is even more difficult to find in places that do not experience a lot of cultural diversity, as there are many assumptions that diversity is limited to culture (instead of including many of the topics we covered in this course, such as ability, religion, class, etc.). If we are to see change in how people interact with each other, to diminish “isms”, we must start with our future, which is in the early childhood classroom, and continue the message of diversity, equity, and social justice throughout their educational career.

I’d like to thank my colleagues in their support and reflections. There have been some difficult concepts and realizations throughout this class, and I was successful in large part because you have made it a safe, supportive learning environment. It is heartening to know that you are all active professionals in the early childhood field!

Welcoming Families From Around the World

“You are working in an early childhood setting… You receive word that the child of a family who has recently emigrated from a country you now nothing about will join your group soon. You want to prepare yourself to welcome the child and her family… in order to support families who have immigrated you need to know more than surface facts about their country of origin.”

For this scenario, I have chose the country of Croatia, a small country located between Central and Eastern Europe. To help this family feel comfortable in their new surroundings, I have learned several things about the Croatian culture that may help begin a family-school relationship and help the child feel more at ease in the classroom.

Upon meeting the parents, handshakes and direct eye contact is the usual greeting, but I will be sure to use titles and surnames, as first names are generally reserved for family and close friends. I understand it may take time for the parents to feel comfortable “speaking up”, as diplomacy is respected and used, particularly when meeting new people, and so will take my cues from their comfort levels, and be patient.

In building a relationship with her family, I would want to find out if they are Catholic, like the majority of Croatians, or another religion, so I can be aware of celebrations and holidays.

I would invite parents and other family members to come in to share with the class about their culture, perhaps through folklore, music, or poem, as these methods are ways Croatians often preserve their cultures. This invitation would be open to any family member, as it is common for extended family to live together. If they had to leave extended family behind, perhaps we would do a letter-writing or art project that could be sent to relatives “back home” to tell them of her new school and home.

I would have the child be VIP during her first or second week in my classroom. This is a getting-to-know-you project in which she will create a poster with pictures of her family and things she likes to do. It is not a time-consuming project and can be created with items already in the home, or drawings. This will allow for communication about herself that is not reliant on English, in case she is not bilingual (although English is a common second language, I do not want to make assumptions).

In providing any take-home projects, I would be sure to find family-oriented projects, as weekends are often reserved to spend time with families, and this could be an opportunity for shared learning as well as quality time spent with family.

I hope these ways represent a culturally sensitive classroom, staff, and curriculum; and demonstrates a willingness to build a relationship between home and school while respecting boundaries and supporting such a large life transition.

The Personal Side of Bias, Prejudice, and Oppression

I shared some of this story in this week's discussion, but it resonates strongly with me, and I feel this post is an appropriate way to expand on this student's story and help me to come to terms with this oppression that I, regretfully, did not fight against as I should have.

One year a first grade boy (we will call him Joey, which of course is not his real name) who was quite smart, academically, started engaging in some alarming behaviors. He would choke his female friends if they talked to other boys. If he felt slighted in social contexts he would throw furniture. His behavior escalated within months of his first grade year, and soon he was isolated in the resource room with a staff member working 1:1 with him. He was not allowed on the playground or cafeteria. He soon shut down and quit doing academic work, which came easily to him. The administration frantically went about putting together the paperwork and documentation necessary to send him to the Emotional/Behavioral Disorder (EBD) program located at a different school.

Daily, I passed by Joey’s study carrel, where he always politely said hello. He enjoyed showing me the doll he kept hidden in his backpack. Ms. Jones (not her real name), the special education teacher of the room, and we would talk about Joey, as she was frustrated and looking for help about what to do with a bright boy with such severe aggression. Through our conversations I learned that dad was rarely in the picture, and mom felt in over her head, as he exhibited the same aggression at home. It would all start with getting dressed in the morning for school. Joey wanted to wear dresses (which he was allowed to in the evenings and on weekends) to school. He liked to play with dolls. A fellow teacher and I found an American Girls’ dolls website (he loved American Girls’ dolls) and we worked it out with his special education teacher that if Joey did his work he could play on the website. When the adminstration found out they told my fellow teacher and I to quit talking to Joey and stay out of it; he was being sent to the Emotionally/Behaviorally Disturbed (EBD) program because of his behavior. When I asked if anyone had talked to his mom about gender identity issues (getting to know him, he was clearly more comfortable dressing and playing “girl” roles) I was snapped at by the administration and shut out (usually I am a go-to person for difficult children, as my program has its share!)

In my opinion, Joey was clearly going through a gender identity crisis. He needed support and was closed off from any adults in the school setting that allowed him to be who he was most comfortable as. It was clear in observing interactions between him and the administrators that the men disapproved of him and thought he was just “acting up”. He was judged, and his true identity the victim of oppression. I still feel angry and hurt thinking about it. Angry, because Joey was a 6-year old boy who was being told to be ashamed of who he was. Angry that the adults in his life furthered his confusion. Hurt that the adults in his life were hurting him because they were uncomfortable with his differences and they let it show. This oppression denied Joey equal access to educational, behavioral, and emotional supports he needed. They could have partnered with Behavioral Human Resources to help connect Joey and his mother to a counselor. They could have allowed him the incentives and rewards that were truly inticing to him, instead of setting him up for failure.

For things to change, both administrators would need to come to terms with their perceived assumptions and their biases. They would need to be made aware of the negative impact their oppression has, and that what Joey was undergoing was not merely behavioral outbursts.

I regret to this day that I did not do more to help Joey. I was a new teacher; intimidated by the subtle punishments that could sometimes be dealt to staff that were not “yes” people. I know these are just excuses, and do not make up for my lack of advocacy. I see Joey every once in a while around district-wide events. He appears happy, and remembers me- he hugs me every time we see each other. I have since become a better advocate for my students, as Joey’s hurt serves as a reminder of what can happen when professionals stand by, and that to do nothing is not worth playing it “safe” when it comes to office “politics”.