Effective Communication Skills

 When asked to think of a person who demonstrates competent communication within a particular context I think of the principal that I work with, Mr. A. Mr. A. has been an elementary school principal for about 7 years, prior to which he had no experience with young children, as he was a high school choir teacher. I believe his previous experiences (or lack of) are part of why he so fully supports and trusts in his elementary school staff.

Mr. A. listens to staff concerns when the district implements difficult or new procedures and is an advocate for children when programs are being cut. He is also very competent in having difficult conversations. When disputes arise between colleagues he will not step in to settle the dispute unless they have confronted each other and attempted to reconcile on their own. If this does not work, Mr. A. listens to both sides and acts as a mediator, with the end goal being to help move towards a decision that is best for children (I think his motto for everything is “We do what is best for kids”- he applies it to everything).

Mr. A. is also able to help others to be effective communicators. When I have an issue with one of my staff members and am having difficulty in knowing how to approach it Mr. A. is always able to help me find the words that describe my feelings in ways that are respectful to my colleague and that help initiate dialogue so the problem can be solved.

I think I have learned a lot from Mr. A. about how to be an effective advocate and mediator in the school setting, and can carry over these skills to different aspects of my life. I have used his communication style in confrontations and difficult conversations with colleagues and I think it has helped me build stronger relationships and safe, trusting environments within my workplace.

Professional Hopes and Goals

When I think about working with children and families who come from diverse backgrounds I hope that I can establish professional relationships with them built upon communication, trust, and mutual respect. I hope that through these relationships I can provide or connect children and families with services and supports that help them to be successful in the educational setting, and that I show respect and value towards diversities.

A goal for the early childhood field related to issues of diversity, equity, and social justice is to see anti-bias education and the promotion of social justice through active teaching in more classrooms of all grades and ages. Before this course I had never heard of anti-bias education. I think it is even more difficult to find in places that do not experience a lot of cultural diversity, as there are many assumptions that diversity is limited to culture (instead of including many of the topics we covered in this course, such as ability, religion, class, etc.). If we are to see change in how people interact with each other, to diminish “isms”, we must start with our future, which is in the early childhood classroom, and continue the message of diversity, equity, and social justice throughout their educational career.

I’d like to thank my colleagues in their support and reflections. There have been some difficult concepts and realizations throughout this class, and I was successful in large part because you have made it a safe, supportive learning environment. It is heartening to know that you are all active professionals in the early childhood field!

Welcoming Families From Around the World

“You are working in an early childhood setting… You receive word that the child of a family who has recently emigrated from a country you now nothing about will join your group soon. You want to prepare yourself to welcome the child and her family… in order to support families who have immigrated you need to know more than surface facts about their country of origin.”

For this scenario, I have chose the country of Croatia, a small country located between Central and Eastern Europe. To help this family feel comfortable in their new surroundings, I have learned several things about the Croatian culture that may help begin a family-school relationship and help the child feel more at ease in the classroom.

Upon meeting the parents, handshakes and direct eye contact is the usual greeting, but I will be sure to use titles and surnames, as first names are generally reserved for family and close friends. I understand it may take time for the parents to feel comfortable “speaking up”, as diplomacy is respected and used, particularly when meeting new people, and so will take my cues from their comfort levels, and be patient.

In building a relationship with her family, I would want to find out if they are Catholic, like the majority of Croatians, or another religion, so I can be aware of celebrations and holidays.

I would invite parents and other family members to come in to share with the class about their culture, perhaps through folklore, music, or poem, as these methods are ways Croatians often preserve their cultures. This invitation would be open to any family member, as it is common for extended family to live together. If they had to leave extended family behind, perhaps we would do a letter-writing or art project that could be sent to relatives “back home” to tell them of her new school and home.

I would have the child be VIP during her first or second week in my classroom. This is a getting-to-know-you project in which she will create a poster with pictures of her family and things she likes to do. It is not a time-consuming project and can be created with items already in the home, or drawings. This will allow for communication about herself that is not reliant on English, in case she is not bilingual (although English is a common second language, I do not want to make assumptions).

In providing any take-home projects, I would be sure to find family-oriented projects, as weekends are often reserved to spend time with families, and this could be an opportunity for shared learning as well as quality time spent with family.

I hope these ways represent a culturally sensitive classroom, staff, and curriculum; and demonstrates a willingness to build a relationship between home and school while respecting boundaries and supporting such a large life transition.

The Personal Side of Bias, Prejudice, and Oppression

I shared some of this story in this week's discussion, but it resonates strongly with me, and I feel this post is an appropriate way to expand on this student's story and help me to come to terms with this oppression that I, regretfully, did not fight against as I should have.

One year a first grade boy (we will call him Joey, which of course is not his real name) who was quite smart, academically, started engaging in some alarming behaviors. He would choke his female friends if they talked to other boys. If he felt slighted in social contexts he would throw furniture. His behavior escalated within months of his first grade year, and soon he was isolated in the resource room with a staff member working 1:1 with him. He was not allowed on the playground or cafeteria. He soon shut down and quit doing academic work, which came easily to him. The administration frantically went about putting together the paperwork and documentation necessary to send him to the Emotional/Behavioral Disorder (EBD) program located at a different school.

Daily, I passed by Joey’s study carrel, where he always politely said hello. He enjoyed showing me the doll he kept hidden in his backpack. Ms. Jones (not her real name), the special education teacher of the room, and we would talk about Joey, as she was frustrated and looking for help about what to do with a bright boy with such severe aggression. Through our conversations I learned that dad was rarely in the picture, and mom felt in over her head, as he exhibited the same aggression at home. It would all start with getting dressed in the morning for school. Joey wanted to wear dresses (which he was allowed to in the evenings and on weekends) to school. He liked to play with dolls. A fellow teacher and I found an American Girls’ dolls website (he loved American Girls’ dolls) and we worked it out with his special education teacher that if Joey did his work he could play on the website. When the adminstration found out they told my fellow teacher and I to quit talking to Joey and stay out of it; he was being sent to the Emotionally/Behaviorally Disturbed (EBD) program because of his behavior. When I asked if anyone had talked to his mom about gender identity issues (getting to know him, he was clearly more comfortable dressing and playing “girl” roles) I was snapped at by the administration and shut out (usually I am a go-to person for difficult children, as my program has its share!)

In my opinion, Joey was clearly going through a gender identity crisis. He needed support and was closed off from any adults in the school setting that allowed him to be who he was most comfortable as. It was clear in observing interactions between him and the administrators that the men disapproved of him and thought he was just “acting up”. He was judged, and his true identity the victim of oppression. I still feel angry and hurt thinking about it. Angry, because Joey was a 6-year old boy who was being told to be ashamed of who he was. Angry that the adults in his life furthered his confusion. Hurt that the adults in his life were hurting him because they were uncomfortable with his differences and they let it show. This oppression denied Joey equal access to educational, behavioral, and emotional supports he needed. They could have partnered with Behavioral Human Resources to help connect Joey and his mother to a counselor. They could have allowed him the incentives and rewards that were truly inticing to him, instead of setting him up for failure.

For things to change, both administrators would need to come to terms with their perceived assumptions and their biases. They would need to be made aware of the negative impact their oppression has, and that what Joey was undergoing was not merely behavioral outbursts.

I regret to this day that I did not do more to help Joey. I was a new teacher; intimidated by the subtle punishments that could sometimes be dealt to staff that were not “yes” people. I know these are just excuses, and do not make up for my lack of advocacy. I see Joey every once in a while around district-wide events. He appears happy, and remembers me- he hugs me every time we see each other. I have since become a better advocate for my students, as Joey’s hurt serves as a reminder of what can happen when professionals stand by, and that to do nothing is not worth playing it “safe” when it comes to office “politics”.

Practicing Awareness of Microaggressions

Two weeks ago I was grocery shopping when I was found myself observing a microaggression at the deli counter. I was waiting in line at the counter behind an elderly woman in a motorized wheelchair. When it was her turn, she started signaling to the deli clerk what she wanted, and I realized she was deaf. Because she was in a wheelchair, the deli clerk could not see over the counter to see what she was pointing at. The deli clerk looked at me and said, “I can’t tell what she is trying to say.’” She made no move to come out from behind the counter, and I could tell she was uncomfortable with this woman’s differences, so I stepped in and started to “translate”. My sign language skills consist only of a few “basics” I use to help the children in my room, so I was able to discern “more” and “less” as well as see what she was pointing to. The woman was pantomiming quite a bit, probably because she could tell we didn’t know sign. As she was trying to signal something (I couldn’t tell what), a man came up to us, and seeing my confusion, figured out she was pantomiming “dipping sauce”. I thanked him and told the deli clerk. He was right, and so he turned to me and said, “I’m pretty good at playing charades!” That comment irritated me, and in understanding what microaggressions are, I now understand why. I also understand that the deli clerk’s assumption that I was there to help this disabled woman is a microaggression.

Though he said it light-heartedly, with no ill intentions, what the man did was belittle the deaf community and their language. Sign language is not part of a game; it is part of a culture and a way of communicating. The deli clerk’s actions can be seen as a microaggression as well. She assumed that because someone was deaf and/or in a wheelchair that she could not independently participate in normal activities, such as shopping. After the woman got all she needed from the deli counter, she thanked me, and was on her way (but not after letting me know I needed to learn more sign!)

Reflecting on this experience has made me realize that microaggressions really do happen everywhere on an everyday basis, and I can definitely see how repeated exposure to microaggressions can take a toll on people. If I felt so strongly about a microaggression that wasn’t even aimed at me, how must the targeted person feel? I think that to bring microaggressions to light they must be identified when they happen. This means that I must have a heightened awareness of what microaggressions are, which will take considerable practice in looking at actions and behaviors from another’s viewpoint. This was a very good exercise!

Perpsectives on Diversity and Culture

When asking three different people about their definitions of culture and diversity, here are the answers I received:

What is your definition of culture?

“Ok, so super short/simple description of culture: Everyone has a culture: it is everything from the language you speak, the holidays you celebrate, the way you are expected to act, the books you read, the foods you eat, etc. Within this is subculture (Korean American, gothic, gay, etc).”

“Culture is the heritage background that influences a persons life - food, traditions, behavior, expectations, extended family, and/or religious beliefs. This may also include folklore and music.”

“Culture is made up of the foods, celebrations, customs, traditions, ethics and morals, and belief systems share by a group of people.”

Some similarities between these definitions of culture and the idea of culture that I have been studying are the things that fall into the surface culture: traditions, language, heritage, food, and religious beliefs. They also delved into the idea of some of the deeper cultural elements, such as behavior expectations, ethics, and morals. They do not include many elements of the deep culture, such as differences among cultures, and which parts of cultures people choose to continue, change, or disengage in.

What is your definition of diversity?

“Diversity is the exposure to different ideas, cultures, and/or beliefs. A diverse community is made up of people from different cultures or those with different ideas and beliefs. I don't think a diverse community necessarily means people from different countries as much as it means people from very different backgrounds.”

“Diversity is a collection of people from different cultures and backgrounds (socio-economic status, location, upbringing, and different life-style choices). I think true diversity isn't only about a random sample of people from various cultures and backgrounds, but about that mixed group of people having a tolerance for others who do not share their same beliefs or way of living.”

“As for diversity, it is differences in age, nationality, ethnicity, language, differing abilities, region, religion, sexual orientation, gender, socioeconomic status, etc.”

There are many aspects of the definition of diversity that I have studies so far, such as diversity being differences in age, nationality, ethnicity, language, abilities, religion, sexual orientation, and life styles. Some things that have been omitted are diversity in relation to social identities. I thought it was interesting that one definition included people having a “tolerance for others who do not share their same beliefs or way of living”.

Much of what these definitions state are ideas I had before entering this course. It is interesting to me that two of the definitions of diversity look at diversity as people of different backgrounds or cultures living together in harmony, even though diversity is something that is present regardless of whether we “get along” or not. In noticing what parts have been omitted makes me see that I have learned to open my mind a lot more than before enrolling in this program in considering the importance and impact that diversity and culture have on myself and society as a whole.

My Family Culture

If I were to be relocated to a country with a culture completely different than my own, I would take with me a mason jar, a jackalope, and a picture of Mount Rainier.

The mason jar and jackalope symbolize my mother’s and father’s sides of the family, respectfully, and what values and traditions I have learned from them. My mother’s side of the family has a tradition of making different types of candy every Christmas, as well as canning jam, fruits, and vegetables in the summer and fall. I will always remember being a young girl, helping my mother with these tasks, then later learning to do them myself. Not only was making these things a tradition, it is a part of who I am as a homemaker, and a way to provide for my family.

The jackalope reminds me of my father’s side of the family (mostly from the mid-West). My grandparents and parents have taught me about unconditional love, and that family is very important (two values that are a part of my family culture). My dad’s father (Papa) has taken care his wife (Gramma) for over 30 years as multiple sclerosis has taken away her mobility and independence. They are an example, to me, of what marriage and unconditional love is. It also reminds me of a second family tradition (again, food-based) of the Greek pastries made around Christmas. Gramma may not be able to bake, but she can certainly tell us which glaze to use on the kouroulakia, that the kourebiethes need to sit in powdered sugar for two weeks before we can eat them (so no cheating!) and that baklava is worth the trouble of handling the filo dough.

The picture of Mount Rainier would remind me of where my home is (I was a 5^th generation graduate from my home high school). I take pride in coming from a small town, and the values that has instilled on me. A community is a group of people who know each other, grow up together, and help each other out. It also reminds me of the person I am becoming, as hiking is something I do with my fiancé, and is becoming the avenue for a new, different social identity for us as a couple.

It was difficult to think of items that remind me of my culture, partly because it forced me to really think about what I want to keep in touch with the most, but also because so much of what is important to me is based on what I do, not what I have. If I were told I could only take one item, after all, I would be sad, true, but the most important part of my culture is who surrounds me, not what is on my table. This exercise has challenged me to find the parts of my family culture that are most influential in my life, and has also led me to see that family culture is the one I identify with the most, over other identity groups I am a part of. Jobs may come and go, as may friends, but family is a constant.