Who I am as a Communicator

This week I evaluated myself as a communicator, and had my fiancé, James, and my co-worker, Teresa, evaluate me as well. The results of some of the scores between us were surprising, and led me to reflect on what areas of communication need improvement for me to be a competent communicator in both my professional and my personal life.

In an assessment of my listening skills, the three of us rated me as “people-oriented”, meaning I am concerned about the emotions of others when I communicate. Though this listening style can help to establish relationships and trust between others, and me I wonder if it makes me a weaker advocate for children in issues and debates at work.

In an assessment of my communication anxiety, my fiancé and I rated myself as “moderate” indicating that my anxiety is situational, while m co-worker rated me as “low”, indicating that I am confident and comfortable in communicating in small and large groups. At first I was surprised, but upon reflection, I recognize that at work part of my job is to be a leader. I have built a program from the ground up, had to advocate for children to get the support staff and curriculum they need, must lead IEP meetings, and have serious discussions with parents. I also supervise two paraeducators and collaborate on a weekly basis with several others, as well as 15 general education teachers. I have a lot of confidence in my ability as a teacher. When it comes to other situations in the social realm, I do not have that confidence, and usually let James (my fiancé) take the “lead” in conversations with groups of people. While I am comfortable with my low level of anxiety at work, I think I would benefit from becoming more socially active and taking more time to enjoy my friends and hobbies (a challenge with school and work!) It is important to maintain a healthy balance in life.

Intercultural Communication

Considering cultural differences of individuals and groups when communicating is crucial to being a competent communicator.

The school in which I teach is becoming more and more diverse with each new student. The recession has put many families in financial difficulties. The proximity of the army/air force base has brought in military families of diverse cultural backgrounds (military upbringing being one of them). In my class of ten students, nine students qualify for free or reduced lunch and breakfast, two qualify for food bank programs, one is homeless, and one has no phone or power for most of the year. We have children who live with parents, stepparents, single parents, grandparents, family friends, aunts and uncles, or other various arrangements. I work with a diverse population of teachers in regards to gender, economic status, sexual orientation, and race. The families I work with are as diverse as staff and children, and have varying physical and cognitive abilities.

I find that I adapt my communication channels for individual colleagues and families so I can best communicate with them effectively. Some people prefer different modes of communication- many teachers and parents who work multiple jobs prefer I communicate with e-mail, as it is more sensitive of what free time they have. Others, such as some of the paraeducators, prefer face-to-face communication, as it shows I value their time and efforts in working with students because I am making deliberate time and effort to communicate with them. Some need more guidance, while others are “veterans” in the school and have innate skills and talents when working with children that do not require as much teacher guidance.

I also alter my communication styles depending on whom I am communicating with. Some of my parents are well versed in the special education system of public schools and have an understanding of their children’s abilities. When meeting with these parents I can talk more candidly, can use some teacher/WAC lingo, and have the meetings move rather swiftly. Other parents, with cognitive difficulties or anxiety disorders, I must use more careful, “use-friendly” language during meetings. I check for understanding more often than with the system-savvy families.

A third way I use to help communicate more effectively with people is to use active listening. This can be applied in all communication, no matter the cultural diversity. While the body language I use, or whether I question, paraphrase, or stay silent may differ depending on what is more appropriate based on cultural, situational, or relational context, I am always sure to demonstrate that I am listening, doing my best to understand, and fully considering what the speaker has to say instead of just waiting my turn to speak.

Insights into Nonverbal and Verbal Communication

This week I watched an episode of “The New Normal”, a sitcom on NBC. First I watched the show without sound, then I watched it with sound. I had never seen the show before, and did not have any idea of what it was about. I gained some insights into the importance of both nonverbal and verbal communication.

As I watched the show without sound, I was able to guess the relationships the characters had with one another quite accurately by the end of the 30 minutes. I was also able to figure out the basic emotions they were feeling towards each other during certain events and discussions, even though I had no specific idea about the events or topics of discussion. I relied heavily on facial expressions, and was able to see relationship bonds between characters.

When I watched the show with volume I learned that I had accurately figured out the relationships between most characters, but had no idea what the causes and effects of situations had been without verbal communication. My biggest “aha” moment was the realization that though nonverbal communication helps to express verbal messages, it is often not a stand-alone form of communication. Another thing I realized was that nonverbal communication may be more easily interpreted when you are familiar with the people you are communicating with. I imagine if I had watched an episode of “Friends” or “Seinfeld” I would have been better able to imagine the different situations the characters were in because I already know their relationships with one another, their livelihoods, and what they spend their days and evenings doing. In a real-life example, my twin sister and I are often able to have two conversations at the same time, each talking about our own subject and still respond to each other. We are also able to have entire conversations with half a sentence (or less) and the interpretation of facial expressions. This is largely due to how well we know each other, and that we share many schemas. It drives our significant others nuts sometimes, and we have had to make conscious efforts not to do this too much around them because they feel left out (and rightly so- it is a very personal form of communication!)

Effective Communication Skills

 When asked to think of a person who demonstrates competent communication within a particular context I think of the principal that I work with, Mr. A. Mr. A. has been an elementary school principal for about 7 years, prior to which he had no experience with young children, as he was a high school choir teacher. I believe his previous experiences (or lack of) are part of why he so fully supports and trusts in his elementary school staff.

Mr. A. listens to staff concerns when the district implements difficult or new procedures and is an advocate for children when programs are being cut. He is also very competent in having difficult conversations. When disputes arise between colleagues he will not step in to settle the dispute unless they have confronted each other and attempted to reconcile on their own. If this does not work, Mr. A. listens to both sides and acts as a mediator, with the end goal being to help move towards a decision that is best for children (I think his motto for everything is “We do what is best for kids”- he applies it to everything).

Mr. A. is also able to help others to be effective communicators. When I have an issue with one of my staff members and am having difficulty in knowing how to approach it Mr. A. is always able to help me find the words that describe my feelings in ways that are respectful to my colleague and that help initiate dialogue so the problem can be solved.

I think I have learned a lot from Mr. A. about how to be an effective advocate and mediator in the school setting, and can carry over these skills to different aspects of my life. I have used his communication style in confrontations and difficult conversations with colleagues and I think it has helped me build stronger relationships and safe, trusting environments within my workplace.